I struggle with a lot of things. I struggle with making my voice heard, I struggle with getting too emotionally invested about other peoples issues - taking those on as my own. I struggle with feeling adequate. I struggle with feeling like I'm a good artist, a good friend, sister or person. I struggle with my failings, and accepting compliments for my achievements. I struggle with loosing weight and getting the umph it requires to stay motivated. I struggle to remember that I'm loved and appreciated.
I struggle!
Today however I struggled with being kind and being patient. I struggled with being a doormat. I've found out a lot about myself over the last few years. One thing that I've learned is that I'm constantly finding myself in situations where I allow myself to be walked over, stepped on or treated poorly. I recognize this as an issue and I've been working on recognizing when I'm allowing myself to be used.
Unfortunately this is a process, and I'm still learning. Today at work I was faced once again with a coworker who I've come to recognize as someone who has a lot of potential for being a great designer but their ego is gargantuan. They do not see how much they hurt me when they talk down to me, interrupt me, or when they are disrespectful. I don't know how to tell this person these things without seeming like I'm attacking them. I want to be a team player, but I don't want to be a doormat. I shouldn't have to put up with being treated rudely or with contempt.
How do I bring this up, how do I call this person out on their crap. Since they were hired they have been given a free pass, not checked not monitored, not held accountable for mistakes or for missteps. I'm growing annoyed, I'm growing impatient.
I don't know what the answer is. I hope that I can be diplomatic. I hope I don't explode from holding back my feelings. Political correctness, and the mentality that we can't and should do or say anything that might be offensive; these things are tiresome. How can I have respect and get respect if the other party refuses to even acknowledge their behavior as wrong?
End rant.
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On another note, It's Friday, hallelujah! It's a rest day today.
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